How much for that one
by Sora Hashibal
Summary: Jiang Wei travles to find himself, buys a certain tiger general, and meets with other warriors for a strange, yet fun adventure! Chap. 6, adventure in the kingdom of Wu, up and running!
1. Default Chapter

Author 's Note---Okay ... This is actually Sora Hashibal's fic, but she asked me to post it because she was banned for bad grammar. Who knew this site was an English class? Anyway here's her disclaimer: though it was weird how you could buy warriors in DW4 XL's Xtream mode. So I wrote a fic about it! R &R please.

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Jiang Wei sighed as he made his way through the busy streets of some town he didn't even care to know the name of. He was hungry and exhausted from walking on his long journey to find himself. He paused as he noticed a sign, brushing chocolate strands out of his hazel eyes to see better.

(A store? Perfect! They'll sell food!) The young strategist thought. He walked into the small building, blinking to force his eyes to adjust.

"Welcome." Said the storeowner, smiling warmly.

"Hello." Responded Jiang Wei.

"Can I help you find anything?"

"Um....I'd like to buy a meat bun."

"Of course." Said the man, walking over and plucking one from a basket. After paying for it, Jiang turned to leave when he though of something and turned to look back at the owner.

"By chance, do you know where I can find a traveling companion?" he inquired.  
"Why yes. I have some right here!"

"Huh?" asked Jiang Wei, confused. The storeowner walked to where a blanket covered a wall and pulled it back, revealing a row of cages. In them sat various people, from Zhang Fei to Zhen Ji.

"Do you want someone strong?" the man asked, pointing to a buff man with an ax and baldhead. "Dian Wei is pretty good with that ax."

"Uh...." Started Jiang Wei as Dian Wei glared at him. "M-maybe someone nicer looking?"

"How about Diao Chan? She's very nice."

Jiang Wei examined the pink ribbon and flower-clad girl.

"If I become your companion, I need to head west and kill Dong Zhuo." She said calmly. Jiang Wei's eyes widened.

"Uh.....No."

The storeowner looked thoughtful for a second then leaned closer.

"Listen, I think I have the perfect one for you." He whispered. "He's on layaway for some guy with claws, but if the price is right, you can have him."

Jiang Wei looked at the various cages before nodding. "Okay, I'll look." He agreed.

"Good, follow me." Said the storeowner, closing the curtain, ignoring the protests of the various warriors. They made their way behind the counter and into a back room. In a cage against the wall sat a man a few years older than himself with long milk chocolate hair and deep hazel green eyes.

"This is Zhao Yun. He's very brave, intelligent, and an expert with a spear." He said. Jiang Wei reached through the bars and poked his leg and arm.

"Well, he has some muscle." Noted the teen. Zhao Yun watched him silently with calculating eyes. "Do you know how to cook?"

"Yes." Answered the Shu warrior in the cage. Jiang Wei nodded slowly before turning to the storeowner.

"How much?"

"Excuse me. I'll go with you only if you promise I can keep wearing these clothes. That other clawed guy kept saying I needed to wear purple because it was 'beautiful'!"

Jiang Wei blinked. "I really couldn't care less what you wore." He responded.

"Okay, that's fine."

After paying for the Shu warrior, the two stepped out into the bright sun.

"Thanks for agreeing to come." Said Jiang Wei, stopping to look up at the man.

"Huh? Why?"

"The nights get so lonely."

Zhao Yun blinked, then turned a bright crimson color.

"Now come on."

2 HOURS LATER

Zhang He looked around as he walked into the store.

"Hello? I'm here to pick up that guy I ordered." Called the violet-eyed man.

"Ah, I'm sorry, he was bought for a higher price. But can I interest you in him?" asked the storeowner, placing a cage on the table.

"This is absurd! I'm Sima Yi! The greatest strategist to ever live!" snarled the caged man, waving his ebony fan in rage. Zhang He slowly smiled.

"He will do nicely."


	2. Road Less Travled

A/N- Thank you sooo much for the reviews! And I'm so sorry it took so long. College and a blank mind are to blame! I swear! Enjoy!

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As Jiang Wei and Zhao Yun made their way down the road less traveled, Zhao Yun glanced over at Jiang Wei.

"So.... Where are we going exactly?" he inquired. Jiang gave a small shrug.

"Where ever my feet take us," he answered.

"Oh...Okay."

"Why? Does it bother you? Or do you need to go somewhere?"

"Huh? Oh, no. I was just curious." At that moment, the sound of clashing weapons drew their attention to the left of their current position. After exchanging brief glances, the two men made their way to where the sound came from. In a clearing were two men in red surrounded by many other men in yellow.

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"This is all your fault Gan Ning! If you hadn't decided to try and steal food from these people, we wouldn't be here!" snapped a teen with honeyed hair, mostly covered by a hat, and blazing hazel eyes.

"Well soooorrrrry, but if I remember correctly, somebody was WHINING that they had no FOOD!" growled a young man with spiked chocolate hair and honey eyes as he blocked a spear with his sword.

"Don't you EVEN blame this on me! YOU went on your own; nobody forced you!"

"You might as well have forced me with that evil look of yours!"

"Stupid, ignorant-"swore the younger one before kicking a yellow turban back.

"Shut up and fight. Or did you forget how to, Lu Xun?" taunted Gan Ning.

"Keep that up and your ass is next!"

"Big words for a little wannabe strategist."

"You are such a jerk!"

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Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei looked at each other in confusion.

"They sure do fight like a married couple, don't they?" asked Zhao Yun.

"Yes, I agree. Should we help them?"

"Your choice."

"Might as well, we could get directions from them," noted Jiang, shrugging slightly.

"Maybe we should see if they need help first."

"Sure."

Zhao walked out of the bushes and looked at the two warriors. Everybody tensed and looked over at the new intruder, waiting to see what would happen.

"Hey, do you two need help?" Zhao asked. Lu Xun and Gan Ning paused, then looked at each other, standing up out of their fighting stances.

"Do we?" inquired Lu Xun.

"I donno. We have been doing quite well so far."

As the two talked it over, the yellow turbans exchanged looks amongst themselves before one coughed.

"Excuse me, can we hurry this up? We're due to another battle in, like, thirty minutes," said one. Lu Xun glanced over with a look of confusion. He realized what was going on and nodded in remembrance.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that." He turned his gaze to Zhao Yun. "Sure, you can join. So can your little friend behind you."

"I am taller than you are!" snapped Jiang, upset at being teased.

"No, you're not."

Jiang jogged over and stood in front of him before lifting his hand to his head, and keeping it at that level, moved it over Lu Xun's head.

"See? I'm at least an inch taller!"

"Oh. Must've been the slope."

"Excuse me! It's rude to ignore someone you were fighting!" snapped a Yellow Turban.

"Calm down! We're ready to fight." Gan Ning brushed him off with a wave of his hand.

"My Children! Come, it is time to move on!" came a bellow. The Turbans sighed.

"Now look what you did! You took so long we have to go now!" pouted one.

"Sorry," said Zhao as the Turbans dragged themselves away from the field, dejected.

"So.... You are....?" asked Lu Xun, sheathing his twin blades.

"Oh, how rude of us. I'm Jiang Wei. That is Zhao Yun." Jiang motioned to the warrior who gave a small wave.  
"I am Lu Xun and that is Gan Ning."

"Nice to meetcha," smirked Gan Ning.

"Wow. A pirate!" noted Jiang Wei.

"Yeah. I bought him in a store by the water. There weren't many warriors there. Just him and this guy bitching about how the Shao family deserves more respect. I got Ning for a discount."

"Really? How much?"

"Well, the store owner wanted a shield, so I found one and traded it for him."

"That's great. I got mine, like, two days ago. They're very reliable."

"Yeah. I got tired of carrying all my stuff. An extra hand helps."

"So...where are you going?" asked Jiang, switching subjects.  
"As of now, we have no destination."

"Yeah, he can't make up his friggin' mind," muttered Gan Ning.

"Be quiet," snapped Lu Xun.

"Well, do you want to travel with us? We're just exploring," asked Jiang Wei.

Lu Xun shrugged. "I don't see why not. It's not like we have any other plans."

"Well then, let's go!" said Gan Ning, placing a hand on Lu Xun's shoulder.


	3. Hottie Era

Authors note: Yay! CH. 3! I warn you this may seem really weird. I just came up with it. Shrugs Once again, thank you everyone for their wonderful reviews, they helped me continue this fic! -------------------

After three days of crossing the land named He Fei, the four warriors reached the towering gates of Chang Sha.

"Well.... This is rather unexpected..." noted Lu Xun as he looked up at the fort blocking the path.

"I don't remember this being here...." Agreed Gan Ning.

"Hello?" called Jiang Wei, rapping on the door with his trident. "Is anyone inside?" Above them, a head poked through the two posts above the door.

"Who goes there?" hissed the soldier.

"I am Jiang Wei that is Zhao Yun, Gan Ning and-"

"What do you want?!"

"Uh...To pass through your fort. It's kinda in the middle of the road."

"None shall pass!" came a booming voice as the towering figure of Guan Yu appeared beside the soldier.

"But we don't want to have to go all the way around! Please! Can we just go through?" asked Lu Xun.

"Fool! What did I just say? None shall pass! That means nobody can pass! So you can't pass!" yelled Guan Yu. Lu Xun blinked and sniffed lightly at being yelled at.

"Hey! There's no need to be mean!" growled Gan Ning, hugging Lu Xun. "It's okay.... The big mean man didn't mean it." He soothed the young strategist. "You okay?" Lu Xun nodded. "Good, then stop crying for crying out loud!" Lu Xun pulled away and punched him on the arm.  
"You ruined that moment!" Lu Xun growled, turning his back on the pirate.

"Aw.... But...I didn't know it was a moment! I swear!" whimpered the pirate, giving him the puppy eyes. Jiang Wei and Zhao Yun exchanged looks and shook their heads.

"Excuse me, can you leave now?" asked Guan Yu.

"Hey Guan Yu! Let us pass, please!" called Zhao Yun. Guan Yu squinted down at the young dragon warrior.

"Zhao Yun?"

"Yes."

"How have you been? How's your mother?"

"Oh she's fine, just gave birth to another baby boy."

"That's wonderful! What are you doing here?"

"Ah, just traveling with some friends. So, can we pass?"

Guan Yu laughed heartily. "Of course...not!"

"Why not?!" demanded Zhao Yun.

"Hahaha! You should have seen the look on your face! Of course you can pass!" grinned Guan Yu as the doors opened. Jiang Wei sighed and rubbed his forehead.  
"Why me?" he wondered before following the other three inside.

"Wait!" came a voice. Jiang Wei turned to see two men racing towards him.

"Excuse me." Panted one with long chestnut hair and calm eyes as he stopped in front of Jiang Wei. "Can.... Can with you? We've been trying for three weeks to get into this fort!"

"Yeah! And I'm tired of begging! We'll come with you and.... And...do something to help you out!" agreed the other, who had dark chocolate hair in a high ponytail and bright caramel eyes.

"Uh, sure. The more the merrier." Shrugged Jiang Wei.

"Yay! Thanks!" exclaimed the second, grabbing the strategist and hugging him.

"Hey!" came a sharp voice. Zhao Yun stomped over and pulled Jiang Wei out of the guy's arms, holding him tightly. "Mine. Do. Not. Touch."

"Okay, okay! Sorry. I'm Sun Ce. That's Zhou Yu." Introduced the second.

"Hey! Come on! Let's get going!" came Lu Xun's voice.

"Come on Lu Xun! I said I was sorry!!" whimpered Gan Ning. "Oh come on! Won't you even look at me?"

"That would be Lu Xun and Gan Ning." Noted Zhao Yun as Sun Ce and Zhou Yu exchanged looks.

"O...Kay." Answered Zhou Yu slowly as he followed the three into the fort.

THREE HOURS LATER

"Wow...it was sure nice of Guan Yu to let us eat there." Noted Jiang Wei as they made their way past some random cherry blossom trees that were in full bloom.

"Yes. I'm full!" said Zhou Yu. "So, where are we going?"

"Uh.... Around... we don't know for sure." Answered Lu Xun.

"Ohh! Like an adventure?! Can we come too? Sounds like fun!" asked Sun Ce.

"If you want. I just want to warn you we've run into some pointless battles along the way." Said Jiang Wei.

"Yeah! Yesterday, we finished fighting some freak named Xiahou Dun. He kept bragging how nothing could hurt him cause he lost and ate his own eye." Frowned Gan Ning.

"So it is you that has been taking over the areas in China!" came a hiss. The six looked around for the source of the voice.

"Uh... we haven't been taking over anything!" said Jiang Wei.

"If you were paying attention, you would realize that half of China is yours." Replied the voice.

"Really? Wow. That's pretty cool." Said Sun Ce.

"Yeah! We could start our own Era. The Hottie Era. Heh.... Sweet..." smirked Gan Ning.

"No, unfortunately, you're going to give that land to me! Dong Zhuo!" answered the voice as he stepped out from behind a tree.

"AHHHHH!" yelled the six, taking a step back.

"Holy CRAP are you UGLY!" gasped Lu Xun.

"My eyes burn!" whimpered Jiang Wei.

"Make it go away! Make it go away!" pleaded Sun Ce.

"SHUT UP!" snarled Dong Zhou. "Now turn over your land!"

"Never! You're not cute enough to be apart of the Hottie Era!" snapped Gan Ning, drawing his sword. Dong Zhuo groaned and rubbed his eyes.  
"Why is it morons take over the land?!" he demanded.

"Hey! Nobody makes fun of Gan Ning but me!" snapped Lu Xun, rage burning in his eyes. He raced over to the man and lit his clothes on fire with a spark from slashing his swords together.

"AHHH!" screamed Dong Zhuo, racing around, trying desperately to put out the flames.

"Take that! Bwahahahahah!" laughed Lu Xun.

"Oh great.... There he goes again. Last time it took me a week to get him to stop lighting things on fire." Sighed Gan Ning, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ohh! Look at the fire against the frail beauty of the cherry blossoms...like a burning heart in the middle of gentle love." Sighed a voice from the right of the group. Zhang He and an amused Sima Yi watched as Dong Zhuo raced around screaming his head off.

"Hey! You're the one who was suppose to buy me!" noted Zhao Yun, pointing at Zhang He.

"Yeah, but I got something I like more." Zhang He motioned to Sima Yi.

"Good." Agreed Zhao Yun, turning his attention back on Dong Zhuo.

"Wow...this is really entertaining." Said Zhou Yu with interest.

"I got meat buns!" said Zhang He.

"Awesome!" said Sun Ce, bounding over.

Soon all 8 sat against the trees watching as Dong Zhuo still raced around the trees screaming his head off.

"I think his hair is about to catch fire." Noted Sun Ce.

"No way." Said Gan Ning.

"Wanna make a wager?"

"You bet."

"Okay.... A meat bun says his hair catches fire."

"Deal." Answered Gan Ning, shaking hands with him. Both turned their attention back to the screaming lord.

AN HOUR LATER

The sun was setting and Jiang Wei, Lu Xun, and Zhou Yu had fallen asleep against the trees. Zhang He yawned as he watched Dong Zhuo still run around.

"Okay, this is pathetic. Shouldn't he be at least out or even dead?" sighed Sima Yi, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah. Maybe we should...oh never mind.... He saw the lake over there." Noted Zhao Yun.

"I'll be back!" yelled Dong Zhuo before leaving.

"It's about time..." muttered Sun Ce. He turned to Gan Ning. "Looks like I owe you a meat bun."

"Give it to me tomorrow. I'm exhausted." Yawned the pirate before turning over and going to sleep.

"Fine." Agreed Sun Ce, doing the same. Soon all 8 warriors were asleep under the clear night sky.


	4. Nanman Visit

A/N: 'Ello! I'm back! And I want to thank everyone for their reviews! And because people miss my parody "My Clan"..I'm gonna sneak it in this chapter in a _really_ stupid way! Go Me!!

THREE DAYS LATER IN THE NANMAN TERRITORY

"God, it's so hot in this jungle!" complained Sima Yi, waving his fan to cool himself off. The eight warriors made their way through the sweltering heat of the famous Nanman jungle, wiping their foreheads every once in awhile to cool themselves off.

"Yeah, it must be at least 120 degrees!" agreed Gan Ning.

"That's impossible!" retorted Lu Xun, glaring at the pirate.

"Actually, with the combined force of the relative humidity incorporated with the high temperature, there is a chance I'm accurate." Answered Gan Ning. The group paused and looked at him. He blinked. "What?"

"When did you transform into a genius?" asked Zhou Yu.

"Or, in other words, where the hell did that come from?!" Sun Ce demanded. Gan Ning shrugged.

"Hey, let's keep going. I want to get out of here before night fall." Noted Jiang Wei. He turned to continue walking when a spear was pointed to his heart. He froze and slowly looked around. Nanman soldiers surrounded the group; spears pointed and bow loaded. Gan Ning scratched the back of his head as he surveyed the situation.

"Well.... Shit..."

After walking for a few miles, the group arrived at a small village of huts and tents made of animal skin. The eight warriors were taken to a large tent in the middle of the village and pushed inside. Around various tables sat soldiers, eating meat and drinking wine.

"Well, they look like a lively bunch." Noted Lu Xun. Suddenly the soldiers started singing, as if on cue,

"Oh, I got two legs from my waist to the ground, and 

When I move 'em they walk around, and

When I lift 'em they climb the stairs, and

When I shave 'em they ain't got hairs! And-"

"Shut up! The lot of you!" came an exasperated voice. Everyone looked over to see a woman with blond hair and caramel skin standing at the back table beside a large, hairy man who was humming with the song until his wife slapped him in the back of the head.

"Great, we've found the lost loony bin of China." Muttered Zhang He.

"Sorry, your highness. We found these eight wondering around the jungle in your territory. What do you want us to do with them?"

"Are they musicians? I want to hear a song!" bellowed Meng Huo. An archer glanced at them out of the corner of his eye.

"Uh... I doubt it, my king..."

"Well, make them sing! Or just kill them!"

"We'll sing! We'll sing!" Zhou Yu and Lu Xun jumped in at the same time.

"Good!" said Meng Huo, grabbing a huge leg of meat and tearing into it with his teeth. Zhou Yun looked a little green.

"You think someone would have taught him manners." He muttered as the group huddled.

"Okay, we need a song." Said Sima Yi.

"Uh... how about... 'Cherry Blossom Love?'"

"I don't know that one." Said Lu Xun.

"Oh.... 'Warriors Hymn?'" asked Zhao Yun.

"Don't know it either...."

"What song do you know?!"

"How about that song that you did in Shu?" asked Lu Xun, looking at Jiang Wei.

"In Shu? I was in Shu?" asked Jiang Wei, confused.

"Duh! Why do you think you got Zhao Yun at such a good price? The merchant knew you knew him!" said Gan Ning. Jiang Wei looked at Zhao Yun closely.

"Oh...what do you know. I do remember you."

"Oh yeah.... You left to see if you could find your parents. Any luck?" asked Zhao Yun.

"Yes. They're quite happy now."

"Good. Good."

Zhou Yu cleared his throat. "Um... we need a song." He said.

"We could do that song... but we need the other warriors from Shu." Said Zhao Yun.

Suddenly, the tent flap opened and Zhang Fei poked his head in.   
"Hey! Zhao Yun! Jiang Wei! It is you! We were just passing through and I thought I thought I heard you! What's going on?"

Jiang and Zhao looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Okay... THAT was ironic..." Zhao muttered. "Okay, we'll do the song..." he agreed as the rest of the Shu warriors filed in.

"Yay! I love this song!" exclaimed Zhang He, clapping excitedly as he, Sima Yi, Zhou Yu, Sun Ce, Lu Xun, and Gan Ning sat at a table.

(Zhouge Liang )   
I don't know dude, I think everyone's all jealous and shit,   
Coz I'm like the lead 'gist of the clan dude,   
And I think everybody's got a fucken problem with me dude,   
And they need to take it up with me after the war, because

(Chorus – Zhouge Liang )   
These chicks don't even know the name of my Clan   
But they're all on me like they wanna hold fans   
Coz once I blow they know that I'll be the man   
All because I'm the lead stratigist of my clan

(Zhouge Liang )   
So I get on battle field right, drop the sike   
Walk up to these hot chicks and I'm all like   
"Sup ladies, my names Zhouge Liang, I'm the lead 'gist of Shu Clan baby"   
They're all like "Oh my God it's him!, Melin oh my fucking God it's Ge-ge!!, I swear to fucking God that you fucking rock, please Liang! Please let the fan girls flock!"   
Now by now, the rest of the fellas get jealous   
Especially when I drop the plan and do my sweet ass spell-as   
All the chicks start yellin' all the hot babes   
Throw their swords and their shoes and their shields on stage   
So like every single night they pick a fight with me   
But when we fight it's kinda like sibling rivalry   
Coz they're back on turf the next night with me   
"Dude I just think your trying to steal the light from me"   
Yesterday Liu Bei tried to pull a knife on me   
Coz I told him Sun Shang is my wife-to-be   
This stratigist shit is the life for me   
And all the other guys just despise me be coz these

(Chorus – Zhouge Liang)   
These chicks don't even know the name of my Clan   
But they're all on me like they wanna hold fans   
Coz once I blow they know that I'll be the man   
All because I'm the lead stratigist of my clan

(Bridge – Zhouge Liang)   
My clan, my clan, my clan, my clan, my clan, my clan, my clan, my clan, my Claaaaaaaaaan, my clan baby yeah

(Zhang Fei)   
You just wanna see a fighter backwards don't you?   
Ain't that how come we don't fight on good turfs   
Smash these vocals and do a battle

But we're on our feet and he in a carrage   
You don't want my weapon youse a liar   
And nah I'm Fei   
(Oh I thought you were Liang)   
What the hell is wrong with our resting rooms?   
Cause our shit is smaller then like a Dong Zhou club   
See I know how to snap, it's simple but   
All I did is read a Sima Yi book   
So I'm all in tact trying to get on the map   
Doing jumping-jacks while getting clawed on my back

(Zhao Yun) Look at Liang little punk-ass thinking he the shit   
(Ma Chao) Yea I know man by himself taking all the clicks   
(Zhao Yun) Ay I thought we had an interview with Lord Liu Bie   
(Zhouge Liang) No I had an interview, not you two   
(Ma Chao) You gonna be late for stratgy check   
(Zhao Yun) Man I ain't going to stratgy check   
(Ma Chao) Our plans is screwed up   
(Zhao Yun) And his always sound best   
(Ma Chao) You no what man, imma say something, (Zhao Yun) Aiyo Ge   
(Zhouge Liang) You got something to say?   
(Ma Chao) Man no   
(Zhao Yun) I thought you was about to tell him off man, whats up?   
(Ma Chao) Man imma tell him when I feel like man shutup   
And you aint even back me up we supposed to be Shu   
(Zhao Yun) Man I was about to talk right after you   
(Ma Chao) Oh man whatever   
(Zhao Yun) I swear, I swear man

(Chorus – Zhouge Liang) These chicks don't even know the name of my Clan   
But they're all on me like they wanna hold fans   
Coz once I blow they know that I'll be the man   
All because I'm the lead 'gist of my clan

(Guan Yu)   
They say the lead 'gist rock but the clan is not   
Once we beat out Lu Bu to Japan   
I'm gonna let the world know that Shu is hot   
I should cut Liang's voice off when the meeting starts (Aiyo wh-)   
Ready to snap that dumb-ass Han   
Every time I hear "Hey dude I love your plan!"   
We ain't a "plan" bitch, we don't have one guy   
So why he getting 90 and we only get 10 guards   
And Liang's acting funny every battle area   
"Yu, carry my books" bitch carry your own   
Can't make it to the field, guards in the way   
Who the fuck are you?

(Jiang Wei)   
Godammit I'm sick of this group   
Time for me to go solo and get me some land   
I told you I made the clan and wrote all the plans   
Till Wei Yan, slipped me some crack   
"Chi Bi Battle?" - I was in the back   
"Nanman Campeign?" - I was in the back   
For the Han, I got some suggestions   
Fuck Liang, ask us the questions   
Like who are Shu, how we get started   
(But what about Liang?)   
Shao, are you retarded?   
Anyway I'm the popularest guy in the group   
Very tight ass, bitches think I'm cute   
Sima told me to do sit-ups to get buff   
Did 2 and a half and couldn't get up   
Fuck Liang, I'm outta this Clan   
I'm bout to start a group with the real nice plan

(All Shu minus Zhouge Liang )   
Girl why can't you see you're the only one for me   
And it just tears my fan apart to know that you don't know my name   
You don't know my name

(Pang Tong)   
These chicks don't even know the name of my Clan (Haha)   
But they're all on me like they wanna hold fans (Fuck Liang)   
Coz once I blow I know that I'll be the man (Yea)   
All because I'm the new...... (Hahahah)

(Zhouge Liang & Pang Tong )   
My Clan, my Clan, our Clan, your Clan, our Clan, Sweet plan, Da man

(Zhouge Liang - Mexican Accent )   
I'm the lead 'gist of my clan I get all the girls to take off their waist band

I'm the lead 'gist of my clan my salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance   
My salsa   
Look out for my next single it's called "My Salsa"   
My salsa salsa salsa salsa   
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their waist band   
My salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance and take off their waist band   
My salsa

Where did everybody go?

"Yeah! Woo!" cheered the Nanmans. Liu Bei turned to Zhao Yun.

"Do you want to come back with us?"

"Not as of now, my lord. I'm still seeing new things." Bowed Zhao Yun.

"Okay. May luck be with you." He said before turning to the rest of Shu. "MOVE 'EM OUT! We're done for now!"

As the Sch warriors left, Ma Chao snuck over to Jiang Wei.

"Hey, can I come with you? Please." Begged the dragon-armored man in a whisper as he tugged on Jiang's shirt. "They....they won't stop singing the song that never ends! I'm losing my sanity! Please! I'll do anything!"

"Sing 'I'm a little tea pot.'" Injected Gan Ning.

"No, you don't have to. You can come." Said Jiang Wei, shooting Gan Ning a look.

"Thank you!" exclaimed Ma Chao, flopping into a chair beside Lu Xun.

"Shut up!" bellowed Meng Huo. The room grew silent. "For the wonderful song, tonight we feast!!"

"When don't we feast?" asked a soldier. Zhu Rong snatched a plate from the table and hurled it at the man, knocking him unconcious.

"Stupid question." She snapped. "Now eat!"

Two hours into the celebration, the tent flap opened and a soldier ran in, panting for air.

"My King! Dong Zho is on his way here! And.... And Lu Bu is with him!"

The room froze in shock. After a few seconds, Ma Chao blinked and looked around before leaning over to Zhao Yun.

"Um... why are we still acting frozen?"

"Dramatic effect." Answered Zhao Yun. Ma Chao slowly nodded.

"Oh... I see." He answered, returning to his shocked pose.

"Gather the men! We'll meat them....heh.... I said meat as in food...." Meng Huo chuckled. He composed himself and stood up. "We fight at dawn!"


	5. Battle Against Lu Bu

AUTHOR: Woot! Look at me go! Thank you everybody; Lickmaflaminlamabitch, Mistostrap, CrazyInsanity, KiritoJun, ruby-the-fire-mage, Xiao Qiao/ DW Master, nanashi 1523, The Brown-ie, Zhou Yu's Girl, WindsOfEternity, lacus411, Princess Xiong, and everybody I forgot (Sorry!) It's good to know insanity is accepted everywhere I want to be!

NEXT DAY 

"Okay. Remind me again why we're still here?" asked Gan Ning as he stood with Jiang Wei, Sun Ce, Zhang He, and Sima Yi as the sun rose at the Nanman camp.

"Because you know that guy…gods, what's his name…the fat one with a mole on his forehead…." Sun Ce scratched his head in thought.

"Cao Ren?" asked Sima Yi.

"No! No, the one with Lu Bu…"

"Oh, you mean Dong Zhuo." Realized Jiang Wei.

"Yeah! Him! He's after us because we rule most of the land." Sun Ce finished.

"Besides, we're the hottest guys around. If our looks don't kill him… I guess our skills will." Noted Zhang He.

"True, but what about Lu Bu?" asked Sun Ce.

"Oh… yeah. He is the best in the land right?"

"Yep, and he rides a red horse. I want a red horse…. Or maybe a white one with red stripes. That would be cool."

"Yeah! Or even a green one!" Everyone turned and looked at Zhao Yun, who had just stepped out of his tent. "What? I like the color green! And it would blend in with the grass!"

"Well, I would want a piratey horse." Said Gan Ning.

"Dude, is 'piratey' a word?" inquired Sun Ce.

"It is now."

"Stop making up words!" Sighed Lu Xun as he, Zhou Yu, and Ma Chao walked up.

"Why not? You make up new words every time we're-"

"Finish that and you aren't getting any for a week." Snapped Lu Xun.

"Any what?" asked Ma Chao.

"Uh…food. He won't get food for a week."

"Busted!" snickered Zhang He.

"Excuse me," said a Nanman, running up. "We need your help! Lu Bu is already here and attacking!"

"Did you hear anything!" demanded Lu Xun.

"No! Nothing! I didn't hear anything! Especially that terrible attempt at a cover up!"

"Good." Lu Xun smirked, then paused.

"Forget about that! Let's go!" said Jiang Wei. All nine officers raced to the front line where Lu Bu was succeeding in killing Nanman soldiers.

"…Wow… he's good." Noted Sima Yi.

"This will be fun!" laughed Gan Ning.

"Yeah." Agreed Ma Chao.  
"Go ahead. I have an idea that will stop Lu Bu for sure." Said Zhou Yu, taking a hold of Lu Xun's arm. Lu Xun looked at him confused as the rest attacked Lu Bu.

"What's going on? With the nine of us, we should win."

"I know, but there maybe a way to turn Lu Bu on Dong Zhuo." Zhou Yu leaned over and whispered his plan to Lu Xun.

"NO! There is no way in the three kingdoms I'm doing that! You've lost it!"

"Hey, you're the one with a pink outfit." (Sorry, but it's true. I can't believe his 6th costume is pink) Zhou Yu pulled Lu Xun with him. "Now stop complaining."

"Worms!" boomed Lu Bu. "You dare challenge the great Lu Bu!"

"Yeah! We do!" answered Gan Ning, standing ready with his sword. At the same time, he and Ma Chao leaped at the tall warrior, but were easily deflected. Next to try were Sun Ce, Sima Yi, and Zhang He. Sun Ce and Zhang He were also deflected, but Sima Yi managed a hit.

"Yes! I hit him!" exclaimed Sima Yi. "I'd like to see Zhouge Liang do that!"

"Vile dog! You shall pay for that scratch with your life!" roared Lu Bu.

"That's right Lu Bu. Kill them." Came a voice. The seven warriors looked over and burst into laughter. Dong Zhuo was covered from head to toe in bandages and someone had drawn an attempt at an evil face on the bandages. "Silence! Silence!" roared Dong Zhou, trying to raise his arm, but failing. Even Lu Bu snorted as he tried not to laugh. "Lu Bu! Attack them!"

"Okay…. Mummy." Lu Bu snickered. The seven warriors laughed even harder.

"Stop laughing! Nobody laughs at me!" snarled Dong Zhuo. Finally, the seven warriors got themselves in control. "Lu Bu, hurry up." He hissed before riding off the field. As he left, the seven lost it again. On his back, someone had wrote "kick me' in bold letters.

"Oh…oh man…. I can't breathe…" Sun Ce gasped. His suddenly panicked. "I can't breath!" he screeched. Gan Ning hit him on the back and he took a deep breath. "Thanks." He panted.

"Now, where were we?" asked Lu Bu.

"You were about to surrender to us." Said Jiang Wei.

"Oh? I was? Then, I hear-by sur…. No I wasn't! I was going to kill you!"

"Please don't!" Came a high voice. The warriors turned to see a lady standing on a hill dressed in a light pink dress and trying to stay standing on high heels. "You can't!"

"Diao Chan?" asked Lu Bu.

"Um…yeah! Lu Bu, please do not kill them! Dong Zhuo is the one who needs to be killed!"

"Why?"

"He…uh….he sings out of tune!"

"WHAT! That monster!" roared Lu Bu, racing off.

"Well done Lu Xun." Whispered Zhou Yu from behind the 'lady'.

"Shut up. If you tell anyone it was me, I will cut your hair to look like someone stampeded over it." Hissed Lu Xun as he stumbled back to the tent. "How women wear these I will never understand." He growled, kicking off the shoes. He yanked the scarf off of his head and used it to wipe of the make-up. "And Zhou Rong will kill us if she finds out you stole her make-up." He quickly changed back to his outfit and tugged on his hat.

"Then we keep that a secret also." Mused Zhou Yu.

"Deal." Muttered Lu Xun. "That was SO wrong!"

"But it worked. Now, let's round up the others and get out of here. We'll head back to Wu territory."

"Why?"

"So we can sleep in our own beds and drink some good wine."

"Oh… you're right. Let's go."

Sorry it's so short. But my brain hurts. I need to figure out where to go from here!


	6. Wu's Party

_(A/N: Sorry again. I'm slow. And it's short, but I wanted to give you all something to keep the death threats away! Heh, I love you guys! Fan Fic readers are great!) _(-.-)

AT WU'S KINGDOM

"Ah, home," sighed Sun Ce, staring up at the palace. "I wonder how Pop's doing?"

"Are you sure we can come with you? We are from other kingdoms," pointed out Ma Chao.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of everything."

"AHH!" came a yell. The nine warriors looked over to see Taishi Ci running around the corner. "Lord Sun Ce, for the love of Wu, hide me!" he yelled, ducking behind the young lord.

"Why me?"

"Because it's partially your fault!"

"What is?"

"Oh come on Tai-shi!" Came Xiao Qiao's voice as she raced around the corner in pursuit. "I wanna play tea party and big sis and Sun Shang are too busy! Besides, you'd look cute in a-" she stopped upon seeing the others. "Kiya! More people to play tea party with!"

"Nobody is playing tea party," Zhou Yu stated calmly. Xiao sniffed lightly.

"I-I never get to have any fun!" she wailed, throwing a temper tantrum on the floor.

"Oh grow up! You're 16 for Wu's sake!" groaned Gan Ning.

"Besides, you're being rude. We do have guests," agreed Zhou Yu. Xiao Qiao paused and suddenly leaped at Jiang Wei.

"Gimme a piggyback ride!" she demanded. Jiang Wei teetered before finally regaining his balance.

"Y-you're choking me!" he gasped after a second, his face turning red, then purple.

"Better you than me," answered Taishi Ci. Sun Ce elbowed him.

"If you let go of Jiang Wei, Taishi Ci will play tea party with you," offered Sun Ce.

"WHAT!" screeched Taishi Ci.

"You will obey," hissed Sun Ce as Xiao Qiao let go of Jiang, who fell on his knees, panting for air.

"Yay!" squealed Xiao, dragging Taishi Ci off by his ankles.

"NOOOOO!" wailed Taishi Ci, clawing the ground

"Sorry about that. I'll introduce you to Pops," said Sun Ce, leading the way to the throne room.

As the warriors entered the room, they gazed around in awe. Upon the throne sat a middle-aged man talking quietly with another, beefy looking man.

"Pops! Huang Gai!" Sun Ce called.

"AH! It's the enemy! Kill them! Kill them! They will not get my Kingdom!" screeched Sun Jian, standing up and grabbing his sword.

"No! Pops! They're guests!" Sun Ce jumped in. Sun Jian paused.

"So, they're not after my kingdom?"

"No, they're not," Sun Ce said slowly.

"And they won't hurt me?"

"No. Now, why don't you take over China my lord?" asked Zhou Yu, motioning to a layout of China with little figures all over.

"Yay! Come on Huang Gai! You can be Wei this time!"

Sun Ce looked over at the confused warriors.

"Pops has kinda lost it in his old age," he whispered.

"Yeah, just go with it," agreed Lu Xun, bouncing on his heels.

"Come on, we'll show you around," said Zhou Yu.

"DIE CAO CAO!" screeched Sun Jian as they left the room. Zhang He gave him one last look and shook his head before following the others.

"Let's see… Sun Shang and Da Qiao should be in here…" murmured Sun Ce, opening a door. Sun Shang and Da Qiao were sitting on cushions polishing weapons.

"-And he was like, 'You shouldn't run off like that!' Can you believe it?" laughed Da Qiao. Both girls burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"What wimps. I think we should just kill them all in their sleep and take over China," snorted Sun Shang.

"Uh, did we miss something?" wondered Ma Chao. Both girls paused and looked over.

"Oh, hi!" smiled Da Qiao. "I missed you Sun Ce!"

"What were you talking about?" Sun Ce asked.

"Uh…. How nice it is outside?"

"Oh, okay. Cool," Sun Ce turned to the others and introduced them.

"Uh…. Nice to meet you…" Jiang Wei said as he slowly backed away towards the door.

"I…ah…I'm thirsty," agreed Ma Chao.

"Oh, okay. Well, we can get some wine and talk," suggested Lu Xun.

"Sure," agreed Zhao Yun.

"Bye honey." Sun Ce waved to Da Qiao.

"Kill ya later sweetie!"

"Aw, she loves me so much." Sighed Sun Ce as Zhang He and Sima Yi exchanged looks of 'he's kidding, right?'

"There should be wine in the dining area." Noted Gan Ning, tucking his hands behind his head. Suddenly, Sun Jian raced by them clad only in a towel. He screeched to a halt.

"Hey! I'm about to create what _should_ happen to Cao Cao at Chibi in the bathing room. Anyone in?"

"Uh…. No thanks…" muttered Jiang Wei, rubbing his forehead. "I can't take this much longer." He muttered under his breath.

"Your loss." Shrugged Sun Jian, taking off again.

"Have fun!" called Sun Ce.

"I'll get the wine glasses!" Lu Xun stated, running off.

_**THREE HOURS AND 9 KEGS LATER**_

"Weee…heh…. I feel good." Slurred Gan Ning, flopping on his back. Jiang Wei, Sun Ce, and Lu Xun had long since passed out on the table, Ma Chao, Zhou Yu, and Zhao Yun were busy singing some random tune about how sexy they were, Zhang He was snorting and correcting them under his breath, and Sima Yi was staring at his fan in amazement.

"Incre…. incred…amazing! Look at all the colors on this fan guys! Ohh! There's blue, green, pink…PINK! I'm a…. I'm a…genius! I don't have pink on my fan!" He paused and brought it to his face until it touched his nose. "Well…. I guess I do have pink on my fan," he hiccuped.

"LORD SUN CE!" came a yell as a guard ran in.

"Mmm?" murmured Sun Ce, slowly lifting his head.

"It's Sun Quan! He's fallen into the well again!"

"Get that dog of ours…. Lass-Chi…." Muttered Sun Ce.

"Uh…he ran away remember?"

"Oh yeah…. Ah, get the next best thing…ZHOU TAI! SUN QUAN NEEDS HIS ASS SAVED AGAIN!" yelled Sun Ce before passing out on the table. Zhou Tai raced across the room.

"I'm coming Lord Sun Quan!" he answered. Gan Ning watched him leave.

"Now that's dedication!" he smirked.

_(A/N: Will Zhou Tai save Sun Quan from the well? Will Zhou Yu, Ma Chao, Zhao Yun, and Zhang He be the first boyband? Will Sun Shang and Da Qiao take over Wu? Will Sun Jian ever be sent to a nursing home? Will I ever stop asking these questions? Find out in the next installment of this FANFICTION!_

_And thank you for all your reviews.)_


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